The days when the birds are chirping, sun is shining and my baby boy is giggling & talking with a obnoxious goofiest & cutest smile ever planted on his chubby little face...those days I love.
The nights that he just wants to cry and be held when I have 16 loads of laundry to wash/fold, a sink and dishwasher full of dishes and not one pair of clean underwear to wear to work the next day...those nights really suck!
But mix those two together, I will take it any day over watching my baby boy be sick. The feeling of complete helplessness hits you right in the gut and all you want to do is scream, cry or throw up right with him.
My baby boy was diagnosed with RSV when he was about 2 1/2 months old and watching him receive breathing treatments from my husband had to be like getting news that I needed to cut off both of my arms & legs. I could not give the treatments because I just could not do that to my baby boy, even know I knew it would make him feel better. The real tears just made my heart break that sometimes I could not even watch. Well just when I thought the news of getting my arms & legs chopped off A.K.A. RSV was the worst thing in the entire world, my son then turned into one of the ghosts in the movie Ghost-busters or for those of you who have not seen this classic movie, how about the girl from the Exorcist only it was not as green.
Yes, I am talking about projectile puke. And lots of it! My poor little baby boy finished his green beans (hence the green Excorist puke) then his night bottle and was just going over to say goodnight to Daddy. Poor Hubby/Daddy got slimmed. Literally. He brought Christopher in for a kiss and out came the puke. My initial reaction was holy crap, what the heck is wrong with my baby boy? Then it followed with asking my husband if he was okay since he was sitting there with puke all over him. Luckily I do not have a weak stomach because if I did, I would have puked on my husband, too. My reaction then went straight to what the heck did he eat. Did I poison him with my homemade green beans? Did I make the bottle wrong? Crap, I am crappy Mom. I went back to reality quickly, changed my baby only for Daddy to pick him back up to see how he was doing and BAM, puked on Daddy again! Now I was beyond worried & part of me was ready to fess up and say I did something wrong. My husband was amazing. He just got changed, stayed calm and put him to bed.
I was pysco Mom for at least an hour after he went to bed watching him over his crib and constantly feeling to be sure he was breathing. I was brought right back to when he was an itty bitty baby and was always worried he would stop breathing (Damn Lifetime movies!). Finally after my husband convinced me to go to bed I laid down and knew it would be so difficult to sleep so stalking the baby monitor began. Just when I started to doze off and BAM coughing followed by finding my son covered & laying in his own puke in his crib. Looks like Mommy & Daddy's bed would be the sleeping spot for the night. The rest of the night was a blur of about every hour or two sitting him up, getting more puke out and him passing right back out.
I felt absolutely terrible. I felt helpless. I still feel terrible and extremely helpless. I hated walking out the door to go to work and leaving my baby boy home sick. My poor baby boy was not only sick but he was a trooper. He didn't even shed one single tear. When I left the house he was still sick but giving Daddy & I lots of giggles & smiles while the sun was coming up & the birds outside are chirping and starting their day, too.
When I was on my long train ride this morning, I realized today that being a Mom is the best yet most challenging experiences ever and what makes it even better is having an amazing husband & daddy for my baby boy. I always knew this but in times like this, it really makes you think how precious & life changing someone so tiny can be. Now please pray that the Ghost-busters don't need to come back to my house and kill the Exorcist child inside mine anymore today or tonight and we all are able to get some rest tonight.
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