Home Sweet Hospital?

Well like mostly all new parents, we were soooooo ready to say goodbye to the uncomfortable hospital beds, the lovely nurses that felt the need to turn on the lights at all hours of the night & then proceed to tell you to get some rest and most of all the same old cheerios for breakfast & dry turkey sandwich for lunch. Time to say goodbye seemed like we were waiting FOREVER! I think the hospital wanted to keep my little cutie because they did not seem to want to discharge him even after they discharged me five hours ago after politely pulling the staples out of my soon to be sexy bikini line scar right there in that oh so lovely hospital bed. I was pretty sure my husband was about to vomit watching this process but I guess he has seen it all after witnessing a C-section and then the after effects of having a baby. (I won't go into detail as I am sure some of my readers have not experienced this yet and I don't want to ruin the awesomeness for you.) Finally after waiting 6 hours, it was time to put the little guy in the car seat for the first time & take him HOME SWEET HOME. (As pictured below)

The car ride went fine. Little man slept pretty much the whole way. We pull up to our HOME SWEET HOME anxious to begin our journey of being new parents all alone. Well not exactly all alone. We had what seemed to be a new addition to the family that is still nameless and unknown of whom the previous owner or gift giver was. Sorry but there are no pictures of this large, furry & stuffed Melissa & Doug dog. Sorry for the lack of pictures but if anyone knows how (& why) we received this dog, please contact me so we can do the right thing & thank you for the dog that sits creepily in the corner of our family room.

Okay, back to what it was like to be home with a new baby...I am not going to sugar coat it, I was beyond terrified but I knew that with my husband we would make the best Mommy & Daddy Team. Well our team rocked. Christopher was so well behaved and we were even able to get some things straightened up and sit down for a minute to relax. We were both like yeah, this is a piece of cake. I wonder why all these parents complain or tell horror stories of their first day (& couple weeks home)??? They must really suck at being parents! Well I am pretty sure Christopher decided that we were way to relaxed, over confident & needed to suck at being parents, too. Let the non-stop, no freaking idea why crying begin. Crying not just from him but from me as well. We fed him, we burped him, we changed his diaper 13 times (total exaggeration), we cuddled with him, we left him alone, we repeated all these steps over & over and still had a child that looked like he laid out on the beach too long and just realized he had a set of lungs he had to use. We were pretty sure our new neighbors hated us already. After about the 1 hour mark my husband & I realized he felt super warm. We being the previously great Team were now in total panic mode.

Panic mode led to super panic mode which then led to us scrambling around for the thermometer that we knew we bought but could not remember where we actually put it in his spotlessly clean nursery. Finally after finding the thermometer the panic mode set in more because we had no idea how to get an accurate temperature from a highly pissed off little boy. We said forget it, lets get him all geared up and in the car seat, we are going to the hospital, something has to be wrong with our once sweet, pleasant little boy. Well Christopher had a change of plans up his tiny little sleeve, the moment we put him in the car seat, he literally turned back to his beautiful olive complexion, stopped crying and stared at us like we were the crazy ones. Excuse me kid but you are the crazy one that just cried for the last 2 full hours for no freaking reason!!!

So yes, Team Mommy & Daddy- 0, Christopher- 1. We were so going to be those parents that showed up at the hospital with a baby that just would not stop crying because we just knew that he had like cancer, liver disease, pneumonia, etc. Thankfully Christopher loved us to much to let us be completely humiliated at the hospital and only took it as far as him getting to laugh at us on the inside. I know as a parent you can't ever be too cautious but come on, Team Mommy & Daddy really need to get their game up because crying in our HOME SWEET HOME is about to happen for the next 18 years of our lives...