all by myself...don't wanna be..all by myself!

The day has finally came. The day I was dreading from the moment we got home with Christopher. Tim had to go back to work ALREADY!  I mean someone in the house needs to make some $ to pay the bills let alone the new expenses in our life..diapers, wipes & formula. The 3 MUST have's when you have a baby (& your are not breast feeding of course.)

I gave myself a pep talk before bed that night which consisted of me going to bed at 7pm in order to prepare myself to be the sole night caregiver. Yes, I went to bed before my child actually went to bed. It was hard not being the one to officially say goodnight but I figured with his sleep schedule, I would be able to say goodnight 2 more times before the sun rose anyways. So I slept for what felt like 30 minutes and went about the nighttime routine...put bottle in warmer, picked up the baby, change his diaper, get bottle, feed, rock to sleep then back to bed. Sounds like a piece of cake, huh?! Well don't get too jealous just yet because we were going to get to do it again 3-4 hours later.  My snoring ever so peacefully husband was not jealous one bit. I on the other hand felt like I wanted to pinch his nose to make him stop snoring or shake him and make him wake up, too. Instead I just gave him my death stare in hopes that this would wake him up and he would not be able to go back to sleep for the rest of the night. I know I sound like the evil wife but for those of you who have the same issues with falling back to sleep like I do, you would totally understand. For those of you who do not, you suck, just like my husband.

Luckily this complete and utter hate for my husband went away the next morning when we had to say goodbye to Daddy & become the Mommy & son team. I had no issues expressing my feelings of concern to Tim about how I was freaking out a bit on how I was going to be able to get everything done while caring for this new member of our family. I mean I had a baby to feed, a cat to feed and my mouth to feed. So, yes, I cried the moment the car pulled down the driveway but the tears didn't  last long. I knew I had a job to do & the boss of this job, aka my son, he would not let me sit there and sulk all day.

The first week or so went by like a blur. I am pretty sure I forgot to feed the cat, shower, brush my teeth and change out of pajamas on more then one day. Tim was beyond supportive and did not comment once on my forest legs, stank breathe or the fact that dinner was not on the table. Since you know, all stay at home moms have super powers to do everything and still look amazing. Well wherever you heard, read or seen these ladies..they are all lies. Well not complete lies, just liars for the first week or more until a routine was set in motion.

I knew that establishing a routine was key to my success of being this temporary SAHM (This means Stay at home Mom. Don't worry if you did not understand it. It took me a Google search or two to finally understand what the heck that meant). My routine each day became easier and easier. I mean some days when the baby was extra cranky, took a massive explosion up his back or just did not want to leave my side, those days were exceptions. Every Mom (or Dad) needs exception days. They also need awesome supportive husbands like mine.

Being a SAHM all alone can be categorized 2 ways. Sucky or Amazing. Lets start with amazing. It was amazing to have the 1 on 1 time with my son. I got to snuggle with him without sharing. I was the person to console him when he cried. I was his savior. His Super Mommy. I loved being his Super Mommy.

Now to the bad side of being alone. I am sure some people are wondering how in the world can it suck being a Mom. Well if that is you, then you are not being honest with yourself or anyone else. Being a Mom is the best thing in the world. I wholeheartedly agree but not everything is rainbows & sunshine. I mean come on. Who likes being alone with a baby that just won't stop crying even after you fed him & he spit up on your only clean shirt, changed his diaper that brought him to then pee on your shirt that you just put on after the spit up accident. If you can honestly say you love being peed or spit up on, then you are Mommy God and I bow down to you. I will call you and have you come take care of my son who just started crying again while the dinner in the oven is burning, the phone is ringing and the stupid cat is crying because he probably hasn't eaten in a day.

So in summary, being a Mommy all alone is amazing and sucky at times. Like everything, I learned to take the good with the bad, established my routine and on days I just couldn't shower or get dinner in time I learned other methods like at least changing my clothes to appear like I showered or having a take out menu ready for when my husband got home. See, even if I thought I sucked at being a Mom all alone, I at least was smart enough to come up with a back up plan.

So here is to all those Moms that are SAHMs everyday, single Mommies, single Daddies or the Grandparents that have taken over being Mom/Dad to their beautiful bundle of joy. Some days are sucky & amazing but in the end you realize from here on out, you are never alone. You will always have that beautiful face staring back at you and loving you unconditionally (until they become a teenager and hate you for every reason in the book.)

To boob or not to boob...

I know, 2 blogs in 1 day..I am really living on the wild side today! I figured I have a lot of catching up to do since I have to catch up to how fast my baby boy is growing. Which as every Mom will say, too fast!

I never once questioned whether I wanted to breast feed or not because I knew I really wanted to from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I heard it is a fabulous bonding time with your baby so I figured that was exactly what I needed. I was all "I am Pro Breast Feeding" to all the nurses and doctors the whole pregnancy and in the hospital when my son was born. I could not wait to start. The problem then occurred to me that I had no idea how to start. I thought you could just put the baby's mouth up to the boob and they will just start sucking away. Nope, I was wrong. I don't think I knew what I was getting into at all but I was ready to give it a try.

Day 1 of trying to "offer the boob" started out that night the moment my son was brought to me because my little guy's tongue was going a mile a minute. I am pretty sure if he could speak he would have screamed "Damn Mom, I am freaking hungry. Give me the boob or something NOW!" Thankfully he could not speak & the nurses (& my extensive Googling) told me that he was one hungry kid. Me not having a clue and silently kicking myself for not taking breast feeding classes decided I will let my son cling on & see how it goes. Well my boy was no fool, he starting sucking right away and I was one very happy Mama until about 2 minutes went by and he started screaming crying and then fell asleep. Great, I already pissed him off and he would rather be sleeping then seeing me. No Mom of the Year award receiving today but we will try again tomorrow.

Day 2 of breast feeding was my day. Or that is what I kept telling myself before the breast feeding specialist AKA nurse that breast fed all her children came in my room. She was exactly what my "I can totally do this" butt needed. She was a no mercy, cry until you get this right type of person. I know to some people this would be the wrong answer but I needed someone to snap me out of I am a new Mommy la la land and put me back into perspective. My baby was hungry and the nurses informed me that formula was not his favorite thing to slurp down. Step 1 of her training was showing me something I never ever related to my favorite sport before, the fabulous football hold. This was genius. Only I have tiny hands, small arms and she expected me to hold my fragile new baby while making she he was latched on and sucking. Wow, my head was about to explode and tears were welling up in my eyes. (I blamed the hormones so I didn't look like a total chicken "poop"!) I gave myself a mental pep talk after my husband proceeded to stare at me and the baby proceeded to cry. I knew I could do it but needed Nazi Nurse to yell & stare at me with her mean eyes to have the confidence to swoop my fragile bundle of tears up and put him on that boob.  My little man started sucking like a champ so I knew Nazi Nurse was now Genius Nurse. Who knew football & breast feeding went hand in hand?!

Me being all "I got this," went home thinking my baby was a champion at eating from the boob and I was the best Mom he could have ever asked for. Well then my world came crashing down at Christopher's first week well visit. Debby Downer Doctor told me we had to come back for a weight check because my little man has lost some weight. Some weight was actually almost 2 full pounds. I am pretty sure I cried that whole day/night. I just had no idea what the problem was but I knew I needed a solution & I need one fast before my perfect baby boy wasted away to nothing due to my lack of keeping him full & healthy. Debby Downer Doctor did have a piece of advice that kept playing in my mind. She suggested we supplement with formula. Since I was all "Pro Breast Feeding" we did not buy any formula so this then drew more tears. Well Grandmom (AKA My Mom) came to the rescue and stalked our cabinets for all the free formula that every company sent us throughout my whole pregnancy. I had no energy at this point from crying the past almost full 2 days, no sleep due to trying to pump every ounce into my now super hungry & very angry baby. My Mom put formula in 1 of the only bottles we received at my shower and started feeding my son. Usually I HATE when people step on my toes and do things without my okay but my Mom was my hero at that given moment. My son chugged down a full 2 1/2 ounces, burped like he has been chugging bottles the whole 9 months in the womb and passed right out. Aaahhh peace & quiet. This super tired Mama went upstairs and passed out. Of course as all you Mommies know, this only lasted for about 3 hours before it was time for his next feeding. I decided we would try the boob first then the bottle. Well needless to say, my son was a very impatient and hungry kid (he inherited these traits from me, too! He was shaping up to at least be like his Mama since he looks just like his Daddy.)

Even though Debbie Downer Doctor was probably right, I scheduled the follow-up appointment with another doctor to find out how everything went with our new feeding pattern. Well that appointment made me realize something I think I knew the day my baby cried hungry tears and I had no idea what to do, because he gained almost a full pound back in just 3 days. After many attempts, Google searches, help from my Aunt, talking with other Mommies, the endless hours of pumping that seemed to only get me less time spent with my son & not even enough for a full feeding, tears until I am sure my tear ducts dried up and countless questioning in my head and to my husband what was right for my son, I finally gave up. I knew what was best for my son & knew that I needed to stop kicking myself in the arse and stop thinking I did something wrong, that would be the moment I would start doing what was best for my son. That night I said "bye bye milk filled boobies & breast pump, see you for the next baby" and moved on with my formula feeding ways.

So in the end, Boob- 0, Bottle- 1. To not boob was my answer. My answer was to make sure my baby boy was healthy and gaining weight back and as his Mommy I knew I was capable of doing this. Well my baby boy that was originally pissed & hungry is now happy & full. I was an emotional hot mess and now I am just a hot mess that learned to trust my Mom, advice from the doctors and most of all, my new found motherly instinct.

*I know some people may have opinions to my "what is best for my son" answer but I am going to say what my Dad used to always tell me "If you have nothing nice to say, please do not say it at all." 

Thank you!*

Home Sweet Hospital?

Well like mostly all new parents, we were soooooo ready to say goodbye to the uncomfortable hospital beds, the lovely nurses that felt the need to turn on the lights at all hours of the night & then proceed to tell you to get some rest and most of all the same old cheerios for breakfast & dry turkey sandwich for lunch. Time to say goodbye seemed like we were waiting FOREVER! I think the hospital wanted to keep my little cutie because they did not seem to want to discharge him even after they discharged me five hours ago after politely pulling the staples out of my soon to be sexy bikini line scar right there in that oh so lovely hospital bed. I was pretty sure my husband was about to vomit watching this process but I guess he has seen it all after witnessing a C-section and then the after effects of having a baby. (I won't go into detail as I am sure some of my readers have not experienced this yet and I don't want to ruin the awesomeness for you.) Finally after waiting 6 hours, it was time to put the little guy in the car seat for the first time & take him HOME SWEET HOME. (As pictured below)

The car ride went fine. Little man slept pretty much the whole way. We pull up to our HOME SWEET HOME anxious to begin our journey of being new parents all alone. Well not exactly all alone. We had what seemed to be a new addition to the family that is still nameless and unknown of whom the previous owner or gift giver was. Sorry but there are no pictures of this large, furry & stuffed Melissa & Doug dog. Sorry for the lack of pictures but if anyone knows how (& why) we received this dog, please contact me so we can do the right thing & thank you for the dog that sits creepily in the corner of our family room.

Okay, back to what it was like to be home with a new baby...I am not going to sugar coat it, I was beyond terrified but I knew that with my husband we would make the best Mommy & Daddy Team. Well our team rocked. Christopher was so well behaved and we were even able to get some things straightened up and sit down for a minute to relax. We were both like yeah, this is a piece of cake. I wonder why all these parents complain or tell horror stories of their first day (& couple weeks home)??? They must really suck at being parents! Well I am pretty sure Christopher decided that we were way to relaxed, over confident & needed to suck at being parents, too. Let the non-stop, no freaking idea why crying begin. Crying not just from him but from me as well. We fed him, we burped him, we changed his diaper 13 times (total exaggeration), we cuddled with him, we left him alone, we repeated all these steps over & over and still had a child that looked like he laid out on the beach too long and just realized he had a set of lungs he had to use. We were pretty sure our new neighbors hated us already. After about the 1 hour mark my husband & I realized he felt super warm. We being the previously great Team were now in total panic mode.

Panic mode led to super panic mode which then led to us scrambling around for the thermometer that we knew we bought but could not remember where we actually put it in his spotlessly clean nursery. Finally after finding the thermometer the panic mode set in more because we had no idea how to get an accurate temperature from a highly pissed off little boy. We said forget it, lets get him all geared up and in the car seat, we are going to the hospital, something has to be wrong with our once sweet, pleasant little boy. Well Christopher had a change of plans up his tiny little sleeve, the moment we put him in the car seat, he literally turned back to his beautiful olive complexion, stopped crying and stared at us like we were the crazy ones. Excuse me kid but you are the crazy one that just cried for the last 2 full hours for no freaking reason!!!

So yes, Team Mommy & Daddy- 0, Christopher- 1. We were so going to be those parents that showed up at the hospital with a baby that just would not stop crying because we just knew that he had like cancer, liver disease, pneumonia, etc. Thankfully Christopher loved us to much to let us be completely humiliated at the hospital and only took it as far as him getting to laugh at us on the inside. I know as a parent you can't ever be too cautious but come on, Team Mommy & Daddy really need to get their game up because crying in our HOME SWEET HOME is about to happen for the next 18 years of our lives...

Welcome to my world

I decided not to do the formal introduction of myself since that usually is just a total bore to readers, even though all my readers will most likely know who I am anyway since my life isn't that interesting to have random readers (if you are that random reader, don't leave, I feel honored that you are pretending to care or just being noisey!-spelling? I can never spell that word right, maybe it is because it is not really a "real" world) okay, back to my informal introduction...

I thought life was difficult being a soldier's girlfriend, fiance and then finally his wife but BOY oh BOY, what was I thinking? My husband is pretty much the most amazing father ever & the rock of our family. Warning: this next sentence is super cheesy, yet true. My husband is not only an amazing father but our live in hero. For all of you that are wondering, since these questions always come up..yes he has been overseas & no he nor I wish to talk about it (in this blog). We have been together for 11 years now & married for 2 years this September. We knew about 3 months before we got married that we wanted to start a family right away or better yet, I told him this is what I want and kept talking it up to make it sound like all the cool married kids are doing it. Fact is, we both did want it but really did not know what parenting actually entailed except for what we see in the movies and read on the news. & let me tell you, the movies made it out to be the most amazing life ever & the news sometimes not so much. So as you can see, we decided to just dive right in (to our bed) and get to working on those new titles: Mommy & Daddy.

Needless to say, in girl world, it just didn't seem to want to happen even though we were trying for 3 whole months!!! I know, I know, what the heck, 3 months is nothing. So we decided to stop "trying" and well looky here, the following month we had a tiny pee stick that read "PREGNANT" at 3am since that was the time I had to go and they tell you the most accurate results are with your morning pee. (Can you tell I have Googled a lot about this?!) My husband's response to becoming a Daddy was the best I have ever heard. He looked at me with one eye half open, still half asleep and said "Congratulations." I seriously died laughing probably waking up my roommate (reminder, it is 3am!) and told my ever so loving & romantic husband "Congratulations to you, too!"

And that is how we obtained our new titles as Mommy & Daddy. I know, same old story just a different couple but to me, it was everything I ever dreamed of. From that day on was pretty much the best days of my life (in addition to my wedding day of course).  I still remember the moments that all Moms do, first kick, first time the hubby felt the kick, the moment we found out it was a BOY, pretending to hate opening all the thoughtful & very much needed gifts at my shower, finally deciding on the perfect name for our soon-to-be perfect baby boy & last but not least labor. Yes, I am calling labor one of the best days of my life. & yes, I know this may sound crazy to some people since their labor pretty much hurt terribly & sucked royally. Well sorry ladies but mine was pain free & simple.

My water broke right after scarfing down my bacon, egg & cheese on rye toast from my favorite cart or as some people like to call it, "roach coach" while at work. Yupp, I was at work with soaking wet pants trying to call all the necessary people & finish up some last minute work before proceeding to the hospital. I had business to do so this little man had to wait. My little man was starting off in this world nothing like his Mama, showing up exactly 3 weeks early. I made it to the hospital AFTER my husband that had to drive nearly 35 minutes to get there (see, my lateness was not inherited by my son.)  I got to the hospital nearly an hour after my water broke (it is about a 5 minute drive from my work, again with the lateness.) I notified the overly friendly & wandering eye Security guard the my water broke. Yes, I was hugely pregnant and someone in this world still found me worth looking at besides my husband (who I am almost positive lied to me every time he told me I looked "nice") was a total accomplishment to me. Once I told him the "deal" his eyes stopped wandering & he started freaking. They are total serious people that work at the hospital Apparently when this happens, you are listed in their words as an "EMERGENCY."  No one would not let me walk anywhere and made me lay down once I got up to the 9th floor of Maternity. I later found out when your water breaks you need to be immobile as best as you can. I am sure they thought I was a royal pain in the you know what when I kept insisting I could walk & I just needed to get out of these wet jeans. I was put in triage and finally admitted once they confirmed that the wet pants was actually my water breaking and not as my husband liked to call it "pee." My son did decide to inherit something from me though, complete stubbornness. He was head down & ready to go just 3 days prior but of course the party in my belly the night before that I thought to be cute kicks to keep me from sleeping were actually him changing position. He decided he wanted to be frank breach, butt up (there are so many things I could say here but I will keep it PG-13ish). Doctor McDreamy entered the room & proceeded to tell me my son was coming TODAY via C-section. Yes be jealous, my doctor was a total hottie.  My husband shortly after finding out my nickname for our doctor that was about to give birth to our son totally killed the later dreams I would be having of him while I slept in the uncomfortable hospital bed by telling me that he was almost positive that he was gay. Typical!

My son, Christopher Michael was born literally only 6 short hours after I met that awesome Security guard, at 3:52pm on October 14, 2011 and he was perfect in every way (Of course he was, he is my son so I will be bias!) The doctor was not playing with us when they asked if we were ready to become parents TODAY....

And now that you have been "introduced", it is time for me to actually go and get some work done and leave you hanging for the rest of my journey of becoming a new mommy while juggling the usual tasks of being a wife, house keeper, Administrative Assistant, etc., etc., etc.

*If you found this boring, just stop reading now & save yourself the trouble because even though it says "the crazy life" it really doesn't get much crazier then your water breaking at work & giving birth 3 weeks early. Just saying ;) *